I am eagerly awaiting the results of my Y-DNA and Mitochondrial (mt) DNA tests. The Y test should give me insight into my paternal ancestry dating back to “Y-Adam” according to FamilyTreeDNA.com. Males inherit a Y chromosome from their fathers who received it from their fathers, and so on. I’ve read on other sites that this chromosome can remain unchanged for hundreds of thousands of years.

Similarly, Mitochondrial DNA is passed down from mother to child, but only females can pass it forward. Like the Y test, the mtDNA test should reveal my maternal ancestry and the migration pattern of my foremothers back to “Y-Eve”. My dashboard on FamilyTreeDNA.com, where I ordered the two tests, indicates the lab should have my results tabulated by late September or early October.

I am bracing myself because the migratory patters may show that I am part human and part bird.

Unlike the first DNA test that I took, which required that I contribute a vial of saliva, the FamilyTreeDNA kit arrived with two inner cheek swabs. The instructions said to swab the inside of one cheek for one minute and then do the same for the opposite inside cheek. I dutifully set the kitchen timer for 60 seconds and started swabbing the first one.

Easy enough, right?

Wrong! I discovered that 60 seconds of cheek-swabbing lasted for what seemed like an eternity. Plus, the swabs are made from a vile-tasting plastic. Would it have killed them to have made them peppermint or bubblegum flavored?

I manned up and made it through the first one. About 10 seconds into the second cheek, the taste of the plastic began to overwhelm me and my gag reflexes took over. The second cheek saw what had happened to the first cheek and was having none of it. So I had to stop the timer for a break. Thirty seconds later I resumed swabbing. In hindsight, I should have taken a longer break because I heaved my way across the 60-second finish line.

The instructions tell you not to be surprised if you see traces of blood on your swabs. I am guessing the lab might also find traces of the chicken salad I had for dinner the night before.

Click here to see an image of the kit and those awful swabs.

Kenfolk: Yup
Relations: Time will tell
Common ancestors: Mostly human, I hope